The way we behave around others is a clear indicator of not only the challenges we experienced when we were growing up, but the way we learned to survive because of these issues. When we experience abandonment or betrayal, we can easily become people pleasers who go through life as chameleons, attempting to blend in wherever we go. We fear that we are not worthy or lovable enough for people to stick around, so we strive to be whomever others wish us to be, or more importantly, who we THINK they wish us to be. Keeping our thoughts and opinions to ourselves, for fear of being accepted subconsciously supports the ideas that we are not as good as others; and after awhile, this is exactly what we believe. Sometimes we receive very clear expectations from others, but other times, we are actually the ones responsible for placing ourselves in these “expectation boxes.”
A good example of this is the movie “Run Away Bride” with Julia Roberts. She gets engaged time and again, and in each relationship molds herself to her partner, even right down to the way she eats her eggs, exactly how how each specific fiancé eats theirs. However, there remains a small piece of her that knows she is not being true to herself, because she leaves each one at the alter. Now this of course is a Hollywood dramatic version of living as a chameleon, but many people go through their lives this way without ever realizing it.
Many of these “people pleasers” even forget what they like and dislike. They have spent their lives bending to the desires of others because they feel this is the only way they will obtain love and acceptance. Some may become bitter from living this way, others passive aggressive, some battle with drug and alcohol abuse, while others may develop health issues dealing with their throats (like thyroid issues) or digestive challenges, because they so often energetically push their “voices” down. The Universe knows when we are not portraying ourselves truthfully, and one way or another, when we choose to make ourselves smaller in life, there will be consequences when we live as a “karma chameleon.”
What if we decide to be who we really are? To show our opinions, thoughts, and ideas to the world, not in a pushy “I’m right, you’re an idiot” type of way, but in a way that respects others, while also demonstrating self love! For many this would be difficult, because they have spent so long being something that they aren’t, that they don’t even know themselves anymore.
So how do we break free from these life long habits of being a people pleaser, and learn what actually pleases US? This encompasses two important aspects, self love and self exploration. For if we do not spend time truly getting to know who we are, how can we love ourselves? Many people who have lived this way do not know how to start, but what we loved to do as a child will help to remind us what brought us joy before we learned to be what we were not.
Think about how we may have spent time as a child. Did we actively play outside exploring? Were we athletic? Was it doing things like reading, play acting, building or writing that took us into the world of our imagination and made us the happiest? We need to truly examine our childhoods and the way we chose to spend our free time, because this will give us a great deal of information about our natural gifts and abilities.
Once we begin to remember what brought us this joy, allowing new activities into our lives that encompass these things will help to raise our vibration, moving us more toward love of self and others, and inadvertently further away from fear based living. Most children enjoy doing things from a place of creative imagination, but the older we become, we push that side of ourselves further and further away as we become “programed” to be analytical beings.
It’s time to find your voice! Stop trying to please everyone around you while losing yourself in the process. Start spending time in learning better who you are, and YOUR likes and dislikes. Find your bliss and embrace it!
When we live in joy, we serve as a magnet for others and in the long run, the right people will magically be drawn to us. Yes, the wrong people may fall away, yet they were not right for us anyhow, so let them go, focus on self love, and embrace those new people who accept and love us for who we truly are!