As a psychic medium I help clients work through many different challenges that occur in their lives, but the one most frequently addressed is the loss of a relationship. Whether the breakup is expected, or it blindsides us on a Sunday morning, the results are the same. There are few things as painful as losing someone who we have trusted, loved and been vulnerable with, especially if there is betrayal and deception that comes to light during the breakup.
So how do we keep our sanity during this painful transition? How do we pick up the pieces of our lives that have been so very interwoven with another, often for many many years. We may not even know who we are without that other person. Loss is loss and grief is grief, and once it’s over, we can be left with all the stages of grief to deal with like denial, anger, depression, bargaining and acceptance. And unfortunately for anyone who has dealt with this, these stages do not follow any order, but jump from one to the other on a daily basis for months, sometimes even years if not properly dealt with.
Everyone is going to process grief and loss differently, so first of all, allow yourself to feel the emotions. Keeping in mind of course, that your emotions are not who you are, they are simply what you feel at any given time. Emotions ebb, they flow, they come, they go. Repressing these emotions will just have them bubble up at a later date and can also cause another relationship like the old one to occur again. So use this time to feel and reflect and learn from the experience.
Stop communication with the ex! Just stop! (If there are children this is a bit tricky, but less communication is better in the long run.) Actions speak FAR louder than any words your ex may tell you, so if they are not back with you, that means they don’t want you. It may sound harsh, but it’s true! Don’t waste your time, emotions and energy thinking things may work out. If they do eventually, they will do so on their own accord, but if you do not sever all things with them, or spend time stalking them on social media and such, you are not allowing yourself to move forward. Block them, take them out of your contacts if you can, cut all the cords that you are able. You may also want to do some research on techniques for “cutting cords.”
Remember, this has very little to do with you and everything to do with your ex. Like Don Miguel Ruiz explains in his book The Four Agreements, “Nothing others do is because of you, it is simply a projection of their own reality.” Whether people love us or hate us has nothing to do with us and everything to do with them. I am not saying it doesn’t take two to tango, but there is much more to a breakup than this.
Physically clean out ALL remnants of your ex from your living space, or as much as you can. Clean, wash walls with white vinegar if you have to, move furniture around, sage everything; whatever it takes to remove the other person’s energy from your space. Get rid of photos, or at least store them away for a time. You are recreating who you are, so start with the basics like your living space.
Move your body, get out of the house, keep busy in healthy and positive ways. Join the gym, find some Meet-up groups that focus on things like pottery, jewelry making, a book club, or whatever it is that you enjoy. This is YOUR TIME to make new habits, learn from past mistakes and step into this new and improved person you are becoming! Don’t look back because you’re not going that way!
You may notice your mind ruminating, like a broken record, playing over and over again, but the sooner you cut those cords, it will help to control the mind chatter. Replace your thoughts with all that you are grateful for and other positive things. When the negative talk enters your mind, nip it in the bud with the simple technique of saying “cancel, cancel, delete, delete” or “only good will come from this experience.”
Also, do not be afraid to seek professional help, whether from a talk therapist, hypnosis therapist, energy healer, acupuncturist, and other healing modalities. Many of our bad break ups teach us the most, so use this time to dig deep within, in a constructive way, so you heal, learn and evolve into a better version of yourself.
You will love again. You will heal. Be patient and understanding with yourself, utilize loved ones for support, allow your emotions to flow through you and then release them. Never forget that you are a spiritual being having a human experience and all of these experiences are taking place so you can learn. You are not your pain. You are not your emotions. Use this time to focus on loving who you are, learning more about yourself, and embracing all the beautiful new and exciting adventures they lie ahead of you. You a re FREE. Embrace it!