Letting Go of Someone We Love

Letting go of someone we love when they no longer love us, is probably one of the hardest things to do.  We might cognitively know it is a done deal, and that we are never getting back together, but still we think about that other person.  Emotions are not something that can be turned on and off, at least not by emotionally stable people.  

Yet, there are several strategies that can be done to help with this healing and detaching process.  I hear people during readings often say, “I know I need to let go, but I don’t know how!”  Well listen up, because this comes from experience, and believe me, these techniques will help you take your life back, separate yourself from your ex and move on.

  1. STOP all communication!  (If you have kids together this can be tricky, but limit communication as much as possible.)  You not only lost your love, but probably also your best friend, so it is only natural to reach out to them when something happens in your life.  However, do NOT do this, because it only keeps the emotional cords connected between the two of you.  Severing these cords will make moving forward much easier, and every time we think about an ex, we make these cords stronger.  So less communication will be beneficial in the long run.
  2. Get rid of anything in your living space that reminds you of them.  Do not keep photos, gifts, mementos, or any other piece of them around the house.  If it makes you think of them…it has GOT to go!  (Box things up and put them in the garage if you do not want to throw them away, but they need to be out of sight!)
  3. Get a new bed, or at the very least, buy new sheets and new bed spreads.  The idea is to erase them and any memories you have of them from this intimate space you shared together.
  4. Change up any prior routines that you shared with your ex.  (If you always played cards on Sunday nights, make sure you go out with friends that particular evening instead.) It is paramount to start making new memories with new people in new environments.
  5. Shy away from using drugs or alcohol as a way to mask the pain.  You do not want to wallow in the pain, but it is also important to allow yourself to feel the emotions, process them, and then release them.  
  6. Develop new habits like joining a book or hiking club and meet new people.  (The problem with a breakup is that you have a lot more time on your hands, so if you do not fill that time productively, you can get into a nasty bout of depression.)
  7. Sit and reflect on all the things that you are grateful for on a daily basis.  This will help to keep your vibration high, thereby helping you to attract positive things into your life for the future.
  8. ***If you have done all of these things and still can not get over the loss, a burning ceremony may help.  (Depending upon how long you were together and how painful the breakup, you may have to do this a few times.) On a piece of paper, write down everything that you learned from this relationship. (Even if it was exceptionally bad in the way it ended, you still learned positive things from it, so keep from going negative when making this list.)  Next, find something that reminds of of your ex.  It could be a photo of the two of you, a note they wrote, an old card, or even a piece of an old shirt of theirs.  In a safe place (where the fire will not spread) light the list of what you learned and the significant item on fire.  I have found it helps to also burn a piece of sage with these items.  While it burns, recite the following words, “I release you from any soul contracts we may have shared.  We tried, it just didn’t work.  I forgive you and hope you can forgive me.”  I have found saying the Ho’oponopono Hawaiian Prayer for forgiveness after this is an excellent way to close the ceremony.  Remember, you are not forgiving them because they necessarily deserve it, but rather because YOU do.    We are all connected to one another, so by sending them love and forgiveness, you also send it to yourself.  As Mitch Album said in The Five People You Meet in Heaven,  “Holding anger is a poison…It eats you from inside…We think that by hating someone we hurt them…But hatred is a curved blade…and the harm we do to others…we also do to ourselves.” So close the ceremony with the Ho’oponopono Hawaiian Prayer “I am sorry, please forgive me, thank you, I love you.”

The loss of love is never easy, and can sometimes cause more grief than a death.  Be gentle with yourself, but move forward in positive ways so you can love again.


  1. Lou C on August 6, 2020 at 9:46 pm

    I had to see a therapist also.