How to Help Loved Ones Grieve Your Death
If there is one thing being a medium has taught me, is that death is often traumatic and unexpected. However, seldom do I see someone pass who has actually made it easier for their loved ones to grieve. In most situations, when an adult dies, the other people remaining, who are numb with grief, are left trying to figure out passwords, bank accounts, insurance policies, titles, end of life wishes and everything in between. I see this time and again and continue to wonder why adults think they only need to organize estate planning when they are old. Do it now! (And I am speaking about far more than just a will.)
When we are grieving we are NOT thinking clearly. Experts agree that decisions like marriages, divorces, major moves, home sales and the like, should not be done for at least two years after a death. Reasoning skills are dramatically effected when we grieve. Yet how often do we see people who are left behind being forced into major decision making because those who passed chose not to make things easier for their loved ones left behind? I recently spoke with a widow who told me her husband’s life insurance policy had his father as the beneficiary, a father who had been dead for 25 years!
As a single woman who lives alone I have made my best friend my Power of Attorney. In the case I need someone to “pull the plug” or have the ability to get into my bank accounts and act as me, she has full control to know ahead of time what I want, and the ease to be able to legally navigate it.
Sadly, many people left behind don’t even know what accounts there are to look for. I often hear grieving loved ones in need of combinations and passwords, and have no idea about how to get these.
Think about the following things:
Do your loved ones know your wishes? Have you had the talk with family and friends about what you would like them to do in the case of an emergency? What to do in the case of resuscitation? Who you feel should get the china, the jewelry, or your home? Are your beneficiaries up to date and included on all of your on line stock accounts, banking materials, wills, deeds, or life insurance policies? Do your loved ones know what accounts you actually have?
By NOT preparing things like this, we are severely burdening those left behind during a traumatic time in ways that need not be, IF we just decide to plan ahead of time. If we wish to help our family and friends deal with our death in an unexpected situation, this is the best and most loving way we can.
An easy way of organizing this is simply putting all of our accounts and passwords someplace safe and letting a few trusted individuals know where they are located. They can be kept in a safe, safety deposit box, or some other trusted place. I actually have an envelope my family knows about that is located in a safe and accessible place that has each one of my accounts listed, my will, the Power of Attorney, various passwords, life insurance policies, and even memorial desires. All of my beneficiaries are up to date (and I have had to update one or two due to deaths) and I even listed my eldest niece as a person who has total control of my Facebook and Apple account in the event of my death. I have seen far too many people burned by not having these things laid out over the years and the pain it has caused from those left behind.
You CAN making the grieving process easier for those you love. Be proactive and organize your end of life materials today! Don’t wait on this, for we never know what tomorrow brings.