As a wise old male friend of mine used to say, “action talks, bullshit walks,” and I think we can all agree, actions speak louder than words! Eliza Doolittle states in the play My Fair Lady, the timeless Pygmalion tale of a man desperately trying to create his vision of the perfect woman,
Words! Words! Words! I’m so sick of words! I get words all day through; First from him, now from you! Is that all you blighters can do?
Words may not always speak the truth, but actions do. When we look at the behaviors of another, we can quickly decipher their genuine feelings about us. People generally do exactly what they want, yet we as humans like to make excuses for them to avoid seeing the situation clearly.
He’s too busy to see me.
Her ex really did a number on her and she’s just afraid of getting hurt.
He was sexually abused as a kid and doesn’t understand boundaries, that’s the only reason he hits on my girlfriends…and so on.
I will repeat this. People do what they want to do. How they respect and feel about us, will come out in their day to day behaviors toward us. Of course there are underlying psychological reasons, but the bottom line is, that IS how they feel about us. Just like title of Liz Tuccillo’s 2004 book states, He’s Just Not That Into You.
Most often it’s the little things that really send the most powerful messages. After getting into a new romantic relationship, it was surprising when I realized how thoughtful and kind he was. He offered to take out the trash, wanted to rub my shoulders, willingly washed the dishes, would bring dinner so I didn’t have to cook, and actually made the bed. I had spent so many years being with someone prior to that who never behaved this way, that I did not realize how bad that relationship actually had gotten, until I was in a new one with someone who acted in a loving and respectful manner. We tend to accept and make excuses for the bad behavior of others, rather than look the relationship square in the eye, knowing it might end. Maya Angelou nailed it when she said, “When someone shows you who they are, believe them,” Yet why do we continue to stay in that relationship when all we see is disrespect, unloving actions, and selfishness.
When we want to know the truth about how someone feels about us, it’s not reflected in the words they tell us, it’s shown in how they treat us. Is the other person kind and thoughtful? Do they make time for us? Is it always about “them” or rather “us”?
Sometimes it is hard to take a long honest look at a relationship, but how can we achieve a loving, strong and positive connection, when we are currently only accepting the one that gives us crumbs? Don’t settle. We are worth so much more than those shallow actions, but we will never realize it, if all we do is continue to make excuses for them. Learn to listen to the actions of others, not their words. If someone doesn’t care or value us, MOVE ON, because regardless of what we do to win their love, it won’t change, and everyone deserves love and peace.